This dispatch comes to you via my iPhone. The computer has been taken, a casualty of the Clone War, which I am starting to tire of. The gears are turning to extract Star Wars from the rotation but I need another day before I can confidently move forward.
I’ve lost the use of my left arm. Or occasionally my right arm, it depends on which one is too tired to continue holding Stella. She has commandeered my arm for the foreseeable future, which makes all tasks slow-going.
There is literally photographic evidence that I have showing that this is not a true statement. I could not have extracted the sweet meats found within five pomegranates with one arm. Still, I am ashamed to admit that I look forward to her naps far too intently, and whisper a “oh shit” when I hear that a nap did not last nearly as long as I had hoped.
Intellectually I know that this is a high quality problem to have. “Oh dear, your baby wants to be held more while mother is away. Boo hoo.” But I can be an incredibly stubborn jerk uh… occasionally…
The critical point came today when I put her down so I could attend to something on the stove. Predictably she was howling a second later. When I went to pick her up, I did so angrily, raising her up and whisper-screaming at her (wait, do we all know whisper screaming? Where you look like you should be screaming but the sound that comes out is just a whisper?) “ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?”
Her response? She reared her head back, then planted a puckerless kiss on me.
And then I was appropriately ashamed. More than if I had been lectured about my behavior by another parent. Who is worthy of that degree of love? I was not worthy in that moment.
So today I’ve moved the whole operation into the big bedroom where we can all hang out on our large bed, theoretically where there is enough space to not bother one another (hahahoho that) BUT both of my arms are available to me at the moment, which is something.
She is developing a sense of humor this week. We have inside jokes, she actually pointed at me from her stroller while enjoying some cereal, farted, then laughed when I gave her the “seriously?” look.
I haven’t pulled that with Christine in over a decade, I have no idea where she learned that.